I’m not going to date someone who isn’t brimming with kinky desire. I’ve tried it, and I end up feeling hollow, empty and sad. It just doesn’t work for me. It’s not that sex always has to be kinky- I still very much enjoy vanilla sex- but I seem need regular doses of kink.
First you have to somehow establish that you are both kinky. It helps to just be honest and upfront about it I’ve found. This first connection can come in various ways:
- We met at a kink event
- We met via fetlife (essentially facebook for kinksters!)
- I’m upfront about it on my dating profile
- We met in the course of life e.g work, evening class. *This is when it becomes far more awkward to broach the topic because I’m always worried about scaring them off!
Even once the topic is broached, you then have to find out if you have kinks in common. I once met a gorgeously kinky man whom I was very attracted to. He was similarly attracted to be. We talked and talked and got on so very well! The only thing is our kinks don’t overlap… oh so sad!
This process can be a smoking hot conversation that is a most delicious form of foreplay… or it can become a bit dry and almost comedic if it’s not working out:
Me: I love to be spanked
Him: I’m not really into causing pain.
Me: Not to worry. How about pee play?
Him: Umm, no. Cumming on your face?
Me: Nope, not into that. Orgasm denial?
Him: He he, you’re like a kinky encyclopedia!
Me: Catheter play?
Him: Jeez, is that even a thing?!