I found it so very hard to publish yesterday’s post. All morning, I’ve been checking to see how many people have seen it and if anyone has liked it. I can’t even bear to click on it and re-read it.
It’s a very intimate fantasy, and here I am sharing it with the world! Am I crazy?
I don’t think so.
The thing that makes it kind of excruciating to share are some of the kinky details which I feel really ashamed about. I don’t want to feel that way: I’m working towards shifting the shame. I’m a believer that airing it helps, so here I am giving my shame some fresh air:
My name is Ruby and I want to share with you that I’m mortifyingly ashamed that latex gloves make me so hot.
I’m really embarrassed to admit that medical play turns me on.
I’m ashamed that I so want to be the centre of attention, with two people focusing solely on me.
Phew. I think I have some old and deep-rooted beliefs that I don’t deserve to get what I want; that it’s selfish to say what I want: that’s it’s selfish and arrogant to be the centre of attention.
I really hope that sharing these things might bring some ease and help me to accept my own kinks for what they are.
I can’t change them after all.